


Your Precious Smile

by orphan_account



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hurts So Good, Introspection, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, Pain, Poor Life Choices, Tags Are Hard, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 03:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30049440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's Sonny's professional, experienced opinion that sleeping with your best teammate as a celebration is a terrible idea. Especially when you, very likely, just fell for himExtra tags: Author can only write angst, this is once again pure introspection, why can't I stop making them be conflicted, I don't know if you all ever realised my fanfics are almost always the same thing the plot just changes a bit, ARSTOT game made me write 2k words of pain, a lot of cursing, they miss each other
Relationships: Harry Kane/Son Heung-Min
Kudos: 17





	Your Precious Smile

One Night Stands are taunting. That's the fact Sonny realized after actually sleeping with Harry, and it kept taunting him for weeks. Not only in a 'I made a mistake' type of way but the 'I will miss his mouth forever' too was included on the mockery coming from his own foolish ctions.

"When you have the opportunity of having the guy you _might_ have just fell for kissing the hell out of and reseting your brain with senses, you don't just say "no" right? Right. Especially not when you need it, and he understood your problems just perfectly. It's going to be alright, it was human nature." Now, Sonny's train of thought wasn't exactly incorrect, but it didn't erase the urge of rubbing the bites and kisses on his thighs out of awe, neither did it suppress the shivers he felt when he recalled every single praise Harry had poured into him, and it didn't make it any less heartbreaking everytime he realised that he had Harry touching him _everywhere,_ and now he couldn't even look into his eyes properly. And it _really_ didn't ease the pain of recalling waking up alone, shivering from the AC and taking the lift to the cafeteria just to see actual _anger_ and pity on Harry's face. That was the worst part.

Harry had been great, the man had laid him down with the same talent as he played football, and Sonny was sure he wouldn't really be bothered by the one-night-wonder thing and the waking up alone if it wasn't for the way Harry seemed to be so upset and tired. Sonny felt like he had used him, thought which, by the way, made him actually want to throw out, and he felt like he needed to apologise, quick. Turns out, apologising to someone who won't even be in the same room as you for more than 5 minutes is not really that easy, and it just kept  _ not _ changing for weeks on end. It kept robbing Son of his sleep at night, he felt like he wouldn't get the peace he felt that night back, ever.

Apparently, it doesn't matter if you got into a fight with your teammate, because Jose will just put you up in the same room with whomever he wants, and the fact that he signed up Sonny and Kane to share the hotel room even though he  _ knew  _ for a fact they weren't in the greatest terms actually made Son close his hand into a fist, and he is not a violent person at all. Nothing good could come out of it.

Nothing good came out of it.

As soon as they settled on the room (and that means throwing their suitcases to the corner of the room) Harry announced he was going to "go for a walk", and left Son to sit cross-legged on the bed, pinching at his skin blindly and trying to think of a way to just go back in time and not kiss Harry back. You can't fuck someone when you have feelings for them, that's rule number one, especially when that one person is your team captain and your mate.

Harry had, indeed, go for a walk. What he left out of his excuse to go out was the fact that the "walk" consisted in him roaming aimlessly through the city and just end up near the train station to just  _ stare _ at the railway, debating himself. Truth be told, he was mad, angry  _ and _ insane, and he wanted to scream, because he screwed up really bad. He had loved it, every single fucking second that he kissed and sucked and used Sonny's body like he  _ owned _ him, every different sound that left his mouth and every tightened grip, Harry had loved all of it, almost sure he was going to obsess over all of it in his imagination. And that was the problem.

That, and the fact that instead of making the most of it and fall asleep hugging Sonny close just for the opportunity of waking up next to him, Harry had let the scared cowardly side of him take the best of him, and just  _ bolted _ . Waited for Son to fall asleep (which didn't really take long) and just took off, it wasn't easy at all, don't take it the wrong way, he kept caressing Sonny's relaxed face and watch him sleep peacefuly and  _ hoping,  _ like if he just wished long enough then maybe one of them would just magically turn into a different person, on a different situation. But they didn't, because they couldn't, or because Harry didn't wish strongly enough. But Harry couldn't continue to be there either, breathing the same air as Sonny, it felt like he was robbing him of his peace, he kissed his hair a last time and ran out the door as fast as he could before he started to cry. He just kept walking, from 2 'til 8 all he did was walk and walk feeling the cold wind brush against his skin like the breathes of air would take the guilt with them. He couldn't  _ not  _ think about how Sonny must be grabbing at nothing and how he would wake up and think Harry  _ didn't care.  _ He had returned to the hotel before 9, with barely any sleep and a lot of self-hatred thoughts on his mind and when he caught sight of Sonny he went  _ mental, _ because he looked so fucking sad and it was his fault. "I didn't deserve anything" because he had taken all Sonny could ever give him and he didn't felt worthy of something  _ that _ good.

As the 7th train was passing by, Harry was snapping back to reality, mostly because he was almost  _ too _ close to the edge of the platform but because his heart was sinking, too. It dawned on him, suddenly, that it was the second time he had left Son alone in their room, wondering what the fuck was happening, to go for a walk instead of making up with him. He wasn't blind, he knew Sonny wasn't alright, but it felt so  _ wrong _ to reach for him and try to grab to his little light, "because I don't deserve him… but he doesn't deserve to suffer over this either, right?". Right. But he was a coward, and he felt hopeless, so he would just try not to be indifferent. First he had to wait for the stars to come up though, because if he was outside and there were stars that would mean things were going to be alright. Stars know everything.

Son doesn't cry, he is a happy person, and touchy and lovable, and even though that isn't really how his dad taught him to act, he would say "You have to keep professional. Be a man", somethings never really change. The idea that he  _ shouldn _ ' _ t  _ cry was one of them, it was inherent to him because it made him feel weak "You can't fill a dry river with your tears" and so he just didn't, ever. He would carve his nails against his flesh or grab his lip with his teeth more forcefully than needed or just run miles and miles just to alleviate the frustration and pain, but he just wouldn't cry. Harry had told him to stop doing that stuff a lot of times, he sounded like he genuinely cared, he had said it was okay to cry once in a while, damn, he had  _ kissed _ him just to get him to stop nibbling at his lip. The memory just made Son bite his lip harder, hoping it would bleed. For a while, just a little while, he thought Harry  _ actually _ cared for him, like he would protect him from fucking everything because sometimes Sonny just felt so exposed and unsafe but never felt that with Harry before. But good things never last. And now all he wanted was Harry to wrap his arms around him again, he wanted to feel his fucking smile against his lips, he wanted just be able to feel  _ him  _ again, and that made Sonny feel so guilty and reckless and  _ foolish. _ He couldn't have him, he just couldn't. Harry thought about it like it was a hype-of-the-moment mistake, and he hated him now, and Son couldn't do anything about it. 

Maybe crying was okay after all. Just for a few minutes.

When Harry finally showed up to the room, after being out for the whole day and missing dinner, he looked happy. Not a real kind of happiness, but still somehow relaxed, and it made his roommate feel pain and happiness all at the same time, it was fucked up.

"Hey, Sonny." God those were the first words he had directed to Son in  _ weeks, _ and it made him so mad. He hummed as a greeting, not trusting his (very probably) wobbly voice to actually speak. He needed to, he was aware, but it could wait. Fixing stuff up is harder when you actually have to do it. He didn't wait long, anyhow, because the sound of water splashing against the shower floor felt very intimate to Sonny, gave him all sorts of flashbacks, so he had no choice but get all thoughts out his head as soon as possible, and the only way to do that was to be turned down, he was sure.

"H?" Sonny whispered when the other settled on his bed "I'm sorry." It was so fucking heartfelt Harry actually looked up fast enough to hurt and his eyes actually softened. It made Son want to cry out of despair, he bit his lip again. He didn't need to say anything else though, Harry  _ knew _ . He just disagreed, so he patted the place next to him on his bed and waited for Sonny to actually get the message.

It pained him to walk, he didn't know why Harry was doing that to him, he didn't know if he wanted to be gentle or if he was just trying to torture him, but he couldn't deny Harry anything. He slid next to him, and just as he settled he felt himself being pulled against Harry's chest. Holding him so fucking close, so fucking tight, like he just wanted to do that all along. Son didn't know what was going on, he didn't know why Harry was doing that to him, he didn't understand why he wasn't being turned down or yelled at or ignored.

"Sleep, Sonny. It's alright." it sounded like an 'I love you', had the same softness around it, anyhow. Son was confused, he felt undeserving.

"Why didn't… why didn't you do this the last time?"

"I'm not sure."

Sonny woke up because there was someone caressing his hair, and he woke up next to Harry, for once. The first thing he assimilated was the fact that he had in fact sleep well for the first time in a while, and then he realised Harry was awake, probably for a while, and was  _ there _ . Looking down at him and smiling so, so softly, like he was in a little peace of heaven. Son wanted to stir up and kiss him, he felt like he couldn't, tho.

"Morning" Harry greeted, making them both a favour and giving Son a peck.

"Yah, good morning" Sonny replied grinning from eye to eye, Harry could get used to this "I thought you were mad…"

"I was, with myself. You're way too precious for me to get mad at you. Plus, you're way too good of a lay to waste" 

Son actually  _ laughed, _ but more than that, he thought he finally understood what had been going on. He didn't appreciate it. "Not the time, Harry." 

"It is way too early for us to have a serious conversation too, yet here you are, trying to pull me into one" 

"Fair. I'll only accept the delay if you pay for it in kisses."

Sonny had missed the sound of Harry's laugh, so damn musical. And if he found the way Harry smiled against him lips whenever he melted on his hand the best part of reconciliation, that was no one's business but his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make my day!! Yall know that :D
> 
> I am STILL without internet nor television  
> I watched the game via Twitter, it honestly depressed me, I had to get everyone's mind off of it honestly it was just.......  
> I hope Sonny's alright.


End file.
